


Will Take Me Time Also

by undernightlight



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Acceptance, Forgiveness, friendship?, soon to be friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-21
Updated: 2019-10-21
Packaged: 2020-12-31 07:22:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21113759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/undernightlight/pseuds/undernightlight
Summary: Ash receives a private communicae from Lieutenant Commander Stamets, requesting his presents at his quarters. Ash does not know what to expect.





	Will Take Me Time Also

**Author's Note:**

> A lil something I though about late one night because I couldn't sleep, and honestly a forgiveness arc for Ash from Paul would be interesting and could be well done across a few episodes in season 3, though I don't know if Ash even appears, so who knows. Regardless, hope you enjoy this shorter piece.

Ash was nervous. He got nervous now and then when people requested to speak to him alone, usually because they were to ask something impossible of him or they just needed to take out their frustrations on someone - Leland - and usually Ash could tell which of the two it was, or if it was most likely both. On this occasion, however, he had no idea, and that made it worse. 

Understandably, him and Stamets didn't get along. He didn't blame Stamets for the hostile glares sent his way when they passed in the corridor, if they passed at all - Ash had could Stamets on more than one occasion actively avoiding him in passing - and he didn't blame him for not trusting him, for feeling betrayed. 

Ash was still learning to come to terms with what he was. He thought he'd find it on Qo'nos, and it helped but it wasn't quite what he was looking for. Not that he really knew what he was looking for, but he was hoping he'd know it what he saw it.

He stood outside of Stamet's quarters, hesitating to chime but knowing he should. Maybe Stamets just wanted to scream at him in private, and if that was the case, he'd let it, though ideally he hoped not. Eventually, he did bring himself to ring the door, and a moment later, it whoosed open. Stamets was still in uniform, unsurprisingly, and even though it was Stamets that asked to see him, he still looked surprised. 

"Mr Tyler, I didn't know if you'd come." There was such hesitation in his voice, some Ash had never heard, not like that. 

"You asked me to," he said. 

"You're right. Please, come in."

Stamets moved aside to let him pass. Ash wasn't sure what he expected Stamets' quarters to look like, but it seemed almost unlived in, baron of anything personal or sentimental. Understandable, given the circumstances. 

Ash felt awkward and he was sure Stamets felt it too, and they both just stood in the middle of the room. "Would you urm, like a drink?" 

"No, I'm okay, thanks."

Stamets seemed to be battling himself to say something, Ash could tell, he knew what it looked like, so though it was awkward he patient. 

"Look, what I'm about to say, is honest. I feel like there's no point in lying or trying to hide the full truth because that's disregarding what I'm trying to say." That wasn't the best start, Ash though, knowing that whatever was to follow was going to be cruel and heavy. "I don't particularly like you, and I'm sure you can understand why." He could, it was something they had in common. "I hate you for what you did. You killed the man I love. You took away my trust in people. I trusted you because Lorca trusted you, and then he goes and betray us all and you… But I know now that is wasn't you - wasn't Ash Tyler - but it was Voq."

Stamets sighed, dragging a hand down his face. Ash wondered where it was going, but Stamets began talking before he could form a sentence. "I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust you again, not completely, and I don't know if I'll always believe what you say. But despite that, I want you to know that I forgive you." With another deep breath, "I forgive you," was repeated. Who Stamets repeated it for, for himself or for Ash, Ash wasn’t sure but he was grateful, not sure he heard it right the first time. It slowly sank in, yet Ash still didn’t the words he was hearing.

“You only say this because Doctor Culber is back.”

The stare Ash was met with was simultaneously blank but also so full of emotion, something he hadn’t quite seen before, not like this and definitely not on Stamets. It was a strange sight. Then just shrugged, light and with a crack of a broken smile upon his face. “Maybe,” he said, “Maybe not, I don’t know, though it’s not like things are going well on that front either.” And Stamets gave a strained laugh to his own remark. “Forgiveness is always something I’ve struggled with, and I’m still working on it, but I do forgive you.”

His own voice sounded strained when he replied, “Accepting that forgiveness will take me time also.”

“I understand.”

And that was all there was to be said. Ash left, attempting to give a reassuring smile but was sure it just looked forced. He headed back to his temporary quarters, still trying to fully understand what Stamets had said, to accept that he was forgiven. It would take him time to know that someone forgave him, someone like Stamets, when he didn’t believe he deserved it. He wasn’t even sure he’d ever be able to accept it, but he would try, for his own sake.


End file.
